and we are caught in the middle!

I think the case is probably people that the type of people who have children before marriage are less likely to be good parents. Or, that people who make a good wife or husband also make a good mom or dad.

Liberals/ Progressives and over paid academics who come up with wild ideas on child rearing need to stay out of the families business. Families are not an experiment, they are our future.

While I know it is unpopular and not the majority opinion… I would like to challenge marriage educators and counselors to rethink cohabitation. We need to realize that years of condemnation have done nothing to slow down the rate of cohabitation. Instead, it appears to be backfiring as many cohabitating couples reject the guilt-laden attempts to discourage their living arrangement. Most cohabiters fear a failed marriage even more than the criticism, so they opt to live together despite the odds.

Just like the movie Reefer Madness in the 1960s did nothing to slow the rate of marijuana use, trying to scare couples out of cohabiting is NOT going to enhance the image of marriage education. They will reject the message and reject us. Instead, cohabiting couples will just think that "it won't happen to them!" Like it or not, it, living with someone first before getting married is going to make sense to vast majority of couples NO MATTER WHAT THE RESEARCH SHOWS.

On top of that recent headlines show that Americans are more accepting of Cohabitation than ever!

Americans read USA Today, NOT research journals and according to a recent USA TODAY / Gallup Poll of 1,007 adults, most people today reject the notion that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced. Almost half (49%) said living together makes divorce less likely; 13% said it makes no difference. Just 31% said living together first makes divorce more likely; 7% had no opinion. Respondents also appeared open-minded on whether unmarried couples can have a committed relationship. Half the sample was asked if an unmarried couple who have lived together for five years is as committed as a couple married five years; 57% said yes, they are.

Now the average age of a cohabiter has risen to 35. Over 60% of all couples who marry will cohabite first and rates of cohabitation will skyrocket since 75% of high school students believe living together is worthwhile and harmless. Cohabitation is much more diverse than once imagined and the following perspectives provide a small sampling of the many facets of living together outside of marriage.

1) Happily Un-Married: Living Together & Loving It!

Much like in Western Europe, many contemporary couples report high levels of satisfaction with their cohabitation arrangements. They’re buying homes together, sharing investments, raising children from previous relationships and, purposely, having more children together. They believe in long-term, monogamous and committed relationships but do not feel that marriage is necessary or even desired. (The Brad & Angelina effect!)

2) From Rebellion to Fear: Why Cohabitation Isn’t What It Use to Be!

Our motives for cohabitation have been transformed. Baby boomers, who are now quick to condemn cohabitation, started shacking up to rebel against marriage and as part of the sexual revolution. Now, due in part to all the Boomers who shacked up in the 60s, got married in the 70s, divorced in the 80s, and who raised the first full generation of children from broken homes, cohabitation is occurring out of fear of failure and not as an act of rebellion.

For these reasons and many more, I hope that our profession can find a new way to embrace cohabiters. We need to raise our expectations of them and begin to reach out with a brand new message. We all agree that there is so much that any couple needs to learn about how to have a successful relationship, but unless we figure a way to engage these millions of cohabiting couples, our message will never be heard. We have to get cohabiters "in the tent" and I for one, think that the Orlando conference might result in a break through on how to help cohabiting couples build and sustain healthy, COMMITTED relationships without ever getting married.

While our profession's collective goal maybe to improve the rate and success of marriage in America, perhaps we need to start with where the majority of Americans already are when it comes to cohabitation. While we may all want them to be married, let's first help them to have healthy committed relationships… "just like Brad and Angelina!"

Best regards,

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John Curtis, Ph.D.

1.828.246.0459
http://www.wecohabitate.com
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